This is part two of the Relationship series, dealing with Self Love And Starting Over. For those who skipped Part 1 on Relationships And Cord Cutting, it is best to start there.
If you are here it means you have successfully moved on from old hurts and traumas associated with your past lover/s. And you managed to cut the cords that were preventing you from moving forward. Congrats! So, the next question is, How do we invite love in again without attracting the same situations or people as before?
INVITING IN LOVE AGAIN
First *This is the most important step – Be sure you’re ready to move on fully with a new partner. Make sure you are doing it for the right reasons as well, deciding to get back in the game or finding your soulmate are two extremes of the same scale but both should be done with caution after exiting a long term or any sort of meaningful romantic relationship.
For most of us moving on can take weeks or even years depending on how much healing there is to do, or how low our own self-worth is. Or for some, it’s the mere idea of going out and meeting new people that’s the scariest part. Where does one meet a like-minded, genuine person these days that isn’t caught up in the superficial things in life, or glued to their cellphone or tablet? Where does one find a person who doesn’t let their baggage or their past determine their present, who can you trust and feel comfortable with, enough to share that intimate part of yourself again and let them in?
PUTTING YOURSELF OUT THERE
We all know the trick to meeting new people, is to put ourselves into new and different situations. We must put ourselves out there in order to open up to new things and experiences. With the Corona Virus, this has presented a challenge in itself as we are all confined now and all public meetings are no longer the norm or even possible in some places. We are discouraged from physical contact and have been instilled with a fear that is promoting social distance. Although for good reason, it still makes it that much harder for people who are ready to connect again. There are already so many lonely people all over the planet who now have even less chance than before of finding someone special to share their love and time with.
Do not be deterred however, do not let the fear and uncertainty in the world right now consume you and affect your ability to feel and spread love. Just because we cannot physically meet new people at the moment, doesn’t mean there aren’t other platforms to chat and engage with like-minded individuals and connect with other souls that assist in igniting our own spark again.
Below are some methods for Self Love as well as for Attracting A New Romance Into Your Life.
Remember to be gentle with yourself as you would a new lover, give yourself patience and understanding during your healing process, we each work at our own pace. Healing our past hurts helps us to change our patterns and better attract what we actually want and need in a partner. By learning to love ourselves we start to realise what we really deserve in terms of love and finding a partner. This is why you will find it beneficial to try the Self Love methods first before trying to attract or manifest someone new into your life.
*Those who are looking to go a bit deeper- who want to start healing traumas, triggers and releasing unhealthy patterns, take a look at my post on Starting and Understanding Shadow Work. This may just be the beginning of a beautiful journey of self discovery and awakening!
Wishing you all love and light on your personal healing journeys.
SELF LOVE SPIRITUAL BATH-
Spiritual baths are a wonderful way to cleanse the spirit and start attracting more of what you want. They are very powerful and don’t need to be done too often. They say twice a month (if need be) should be enough, obviously depending on what kind of baths you are doing and the reasons for them.
*Example, this Love Bath can be used either for Self Love intentions or for Attracting a Love Partner to you.
MAKING YOUR OWN LOVE BATHS
Self love baths can be done anytime you’re maybe feeling low, or need to give yourself some extra TLC and ME TIME!
Attraction spells should be done once ideally with clear and pure intent. I’d give it a month between each repeat, as desperation or doing spells with the wrong intent will cause them to backfire or not come to fruition.
You can use any (safe) natural ingredients that symbolise love or spark your sensual side to put into your bath;
- Great examples would be Rose Petals, Lavender, Jasmine. Oils such as Neroli, Ylang Ylang, Sandalwood, Cinnamon etc. These things promote a sensual space and will set the mood for your Love Bath.
- You can either use the dry ingredients and sprinkle them in, or you can use a few drops of the oils over some Epsom Salts and add that to your bath. If you feel like experimenting, use a bit of both for a kick!
- Next and most importantly; you want to write out your intentions and say them aloud (always more powerful than in your head) during the bath or visualise them if that’s easier. The key here is to be very clear in expressing what you want or what you are trying to get out of the ritual.
- Your focus is very important as well as to not hold any expectations.
- When the bath, spell, or ritual is done, trust your magic. Accept it and move on with things.
- Do not fixate on it and get caught up waiting for a sign or outcome. This will only put out that desperation we spoke about earlier into the universe and will prevent your spell from coming to fruition.
CREATING A SACRED SPACE
There are some other things you can add to your rituals, spells and baths. Here are some suggestions below.
- Candles (pink and red for love if you can. Otherwise white works just fine.)
- Crystals – suggestions lower down in this article. There are so many gems out there these are just a few to assist in self love, self worth, self esteem, compassion and forgiveness of self. Please do not put your crystals in the bathwater. Just having them around your space will let you tap into that energy.
- Specific background music can also help to create a special space for your rituals if chosen correctly. Basically, like any spell or ritual, everything needs to be chosen for a specific purpose. Everything has a purpose. Even your music. If you prefer a quiet space, that’s fine too.
GOOD TO KNOW
- Remember when working with essential oils, often less is more. If you have some incense in these scents you can also substitute and burn these.
- A Spiritual Bath is all about creating a sacred space and a fresh start. Some say you shouldn’t even wash yourself in this bath, you should shower or bath properly before for the sole purpose of cleansing yourself and then separately prepare and lie in your Spiritual Bath for +/- 30 minutes and soak in your intentions.
I hope you all enjoy your relaxing and magickal baths x
*Those of you in SA please take a look at my Magick Shoppe page for my nurturing Self Love Spiritual Bath mix available to purchase and courier anywhere in SA – collection from me is also an option if you reside in JHB.*
These can also be purchased through Hello Pretty.
ROAD OPENING OILS FOR LOVE AND SELF LOVE-
Road Opening Oils are used in Hoodoo and Voodoo as well as Mexican Folk Magick traditions. They are oils made with the specific intent to unblock your path and remove obstacles that are preventing your manifestations and the ability to move forward in areas including Love, Career or Money. Again, there are many recipes online and in books so you can do your own research and see what herbs and scents speak out to you.
OILS TO REMOVE LOVE RELATED OBSTACLES
These will assist in opening your heart chakra and releasing built up hurts and pain in order to move forward properly.
- Lemon Balm
- Dragons Blood
*You can also add in other crushed ingredients such as salt, *sulfur, crushed petals etc. As long as they are relevant to your cause. *Sulfur is potent and should be used with caution and only after doing your research.
OILS FOR ATTRACTING LOVE AND SELF LOVE;
- Rose Petals
- Lavender and others discussed in the previous method for your Spiritual Baths.
MAKING YOUR SELF LOVE AND ROMANCE OILS
- Set up your sacred space (breathwork, calling in Guides/ Deities / Angels/ Creator to assist you) and let’s start.
- The method can vary, most people say to use Grapeseed oil, Coconut Oil or Olive Oil as a base. So you want to fill at least half a bottle with it so you have enough for a few uses or whenever the need arises.
- Then you want to add in a few drops of your chosen oils (maybe less of the stronger scents) maximum of 8 drops should be more than sufficient for the more subtle ones (depends on the size of the bottle as well, you don’t want to add too much of each especially when you are using multiple oils as the smell will be distracting and probably not pleasant.)
- Focus on your intention throughout the creation process. Bless and give thanks for each ingredient as it’s added.
- Once done mix well, you can also let it sit in the Waxing Moon (attracting new, releasing old) to charge it for the night before using it.
- There are many resources online that explain the best times for spell work based on the moon phases. These can be helpful to learn as the Moon will aid you in your magick. Moon Magick is very powerful if it’s something you resonate with.
- Once you have made your oil, you can use it to anoint candles for your love and road opening or other rituals. Anoint yourself or any paper petitions you have on your altar.
- You can also use this oil in your Spiritual Baths provided it is not too strong.
SPELL TO CALL YOUR SOULMATE-
WHAT IS A SPELL?
Often, when people see or hear the word “Spell” they get a bit scared and their minds go straight to Witchcraft and the horrors they associate with it. But in reality, a spell, like a prayer, is just a petition. It is a way to put your intention out into the universe so they can be heard and manifested.
Using a spell is essentially giving off a call to the powers around us and the powers that be, to hear us and assist us. So a spell to call your soulmate then would essentially first start with a list of what it is you are trying to attract.
SETTING YOUR INTENTIONS
- Sit quietly, think about what you really want in a partner.
- Certain attributes, personality, interests, physical features even.
- Write these out and while doing so, see this person with these qualities within your mind’s eye as you’re doing the exercise.
- You may want to wait for a specific moon to arrive to add potency to your spells before continuing to the next part of this one. Waxing Moon and New Moon are brilliant for attracting new things into your life such as career, money, love.
- Light a candle/s or cast a circle to create your sacred space before you start working in order to better focus your intentions. Keep the list you wrote out before and sit focusing on your candle for a moment, on your breath work, on visualising your mate.
- When you are ready, open your eyes, and let’s write that spell!
LETS MAKE SOME MAGICK!
- There are many spells for attracting a lover or soulmate on the internet or in books and I personally wouldn’t use these as the final product. Spells are people’s own intentions so using someone else’s may not work out for you as it worked for them. The wording should come from you and from your heart so it is personal to you. Using others as a guideline is fine though and pretty helpful if you’re doing this for the first time. Even if you’re just changing a few words to make it a little more personal to your own situation or desires.
- Say your petition out loud at least 3 times once it is done while focusing your intent.
- Once finished, burn it with your candle and either bury the ashes or let them go in the wind or a moving body of water.
- Know that it is done and thank whoever you believe in that they have heard your prayer and your petition will be granted if it is for your highest good.
GOOD TO KNOW
- This is important to remember – There are certain universal laws that come into play when we ask for something or try to manifest things into our lives. It’s a wonderfully involved topic that I will write about another time, but always trust that if a spell didn’t come about the way in which you expected, it may be that it’s not for your soul path or highest good and that’s OK.
- Maybe it’s time to reassess priorities and expectations.
- Also when doing love spells, some don’t take into account the factor of free will. I’d never advise doing a love spell to make someone love you. That will never work out the way you intend…
Now all that’s left is to trust in the universe and open the way a little for the new love of your life to find you.
Best of luck!
CRYSTALS FOR LOVE AND SELF LOVE–
We have already discussed some great options for crystals that can assist in opening the Heart Chakra towards yourself and others, as well as healing old hurts.
CRYSTALS FOR SELF LOVE
Some wonderful crystals for Self Love and opening your Heart Chakra include;
- Rose Quartz
- Strawberry Quartz
*Because these stones work with the heart chakra, long-term use of these (or any crystals) can cause turbulent and sometimes heightened emotions. If you start feeling overwhelmed, take a break, cleanse your crystals and let yourself breathe before trying again.
CRYSTALS FOR NEW LOVE AND ROMANCE
Some crystals for attracting New Love include;
- Pink Topaz
- Rose Quartz and many more.
HOW TO USE THESE
Find some crystals that you resonate with or that are specific to what you need at the time. These can be used by;
- Placing them under your pillow
- Put inside your pillowcase
- Carried in your pockets or bras ladies! When you leave the house
- Kept in your car, or handbag
- Being worn as jewellery
Crystals in meditation are powerful tools that can be utilized for various needs. Not all meditations have to include music and someone talking in the background; simply holding a gemstone in your hands and focusing on how it makes you feel or focusing on the intent you’d like to program it with, is a wonderful way to connect with your crystals and accept their benefits. Use your breath to activate your crystals and store intent within them.
- Another way to benefit from your crystals is to add them to a jug or bottle with your *purified or mineral, drinking water in order to infuse it with their healing properties.
- For some refreshing and simply magickal iced tea, you could prepare herbal teas, let them cool completely, before adding (water safe) crystals to them, and decant the liquid into jugs for the fridge.
- Make some moon water by leaving crystals and mineral water overnight in the full moon. This can be refrigerated and drank for an invigorating boost to your day!
- Leave your crystals in the sunlight or moonlight to charge up and then place them in your water bottle overnight or the following day. This way, they have time to absorb all the Sun or Moon’s healing properties.
- Just make sure the stones you pick are large enough to not get accidentally swallowed! Or use one of those special water bottles with the filters inside for fruit and such.
Thank you for taking the time to read Part 2 of the Relationships posts on Self Love. I hope you found this article helpful and have an easier time navigating your journeys and healing your hearts. So you can finally receive all the love you deserve!
Love , Light and Many Blessings to you x
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Loving yourself means accepting and healing your shadow self. This is the process of caring for and nurturing yourself as you would another, of accepting yourself unconditionally. The good, the bad and the ugly… Loving ourselves can seem very difficult to many of us because of how we have been conditioned or taught to think of ourselves growing up or through our relationships with others. It is never too late to start!
These things take time. Patience, understanding and alot of self love is the key to getting back on track. Taking it one day at a time, reminding yourself how strong, beautiful, amazing you are for whatever reason. Allowing yourself the time to grieve the relationship and heal those hurts. There is no set time for this. Everyone will be different based on their circumstances and the degree of their pain. The key here is to not jump into anything until you are really ready. Take the time you need to rise and set healthy boundaries for those you love and new relationships.
Start loving yourself. Start listening to your body, mind, soul and take note of what they are whispering to you during your healing process. Start by making a list of what you will no longer settle for in a relationship and stick it up where you can see it everyday. Start by getting to know YOU before you dive into another person’s drama and baggage. Know you never need a partner to make you whole or fill you up. Do this for yourself and you will attract someone who is also independent and knows their worth. Thereby not undervaluing yours.